Repeating Patterns

I think we've all experienced repeating patterns in our life and we know of people who keep making the same mistakes over and over, never learning from them. Whether it's the woman who goes from one abusive relationship to the next, the guy who gets fired from every job he has because he mouths off to all of his bosses, the yo-yo dieter who loses and gains the same 20 pounds over and over, or the kindhearted people who find themselves being used by every "friend" they have...you get the idea.

Many of these people may even recognize the pattern, but still not learn from it so they continue to repeat it. (Recognizing and learning/understanding why the pattern is happening are two different things.)

I remember reading a doctor saying that he'd counsel some of his patients that their health ailments could be cured by cleaning up their diets (sorry guys, no KFC ) or simply eased by taking medications that weren't as effective and had side affects. Most of his patients opted for the medication because they weren't willing to alter their diets and give up the junk that isn't good for them!

I know I've personally been able to make so much progress in so many areas since discovering and applying LoA, and overall life is just sooo much better in general but there are also some areas that remain persistently stubborn to moving beyond a certain point! I freely admit I am no expert, I'm a work in progress just like everyone else and I'm always looking to learn more!

I am thinking right now of a specific LoA blogger, who shares freely on her blog about her experiences and she's done some things in the interest of clearing limiting beliefs and raising her vibration etc. that most of us won't ever do and she's also very open about a certain area in her life where she struggles. Sometimes it makes you wonder if even people like her have difficulty overcoming some of their repeating patterns that it's no wonder that the rest of us are going to have a hard time with it!

So I guess my question is why is change so hard!? And why do the lessons we need to learn in order to flow from where we are to where we want to be sometimes remain so elusive despite our best efforts?

good question, i wish i knew the answer, i've found theres certain areas that i find so easy to change and let go of my limiting beliefs, and other areas where they're as stubborn as mules!

one exercise i have found very helpful in the past is the timeline exercise... where you look at where yo u are now, and then you visualise stepping forward into the future, where you dont have the limiting beliefs and you've achieved what you wanted to, then you get your future self to step back to the present and give your current self a pep talk.

That's a good idea Night Eyes! I think going to your past, especially when you are still a kid before the limiting beliefs are even fully formed and giving your kid-self a pep talk would work too.

I am glad that the blogger I mentioned is willing to discuss her struggle and admit that she has an area that still gives her trouble.

I think sometimes we get the idea that people who have been applying LoA for a while have these elevated lives where they have no issues of their own to overcome anymore and it can leave you feeling like you aren't doing things right if you still have areas where the resistance it particularly deep rooted or especially difficult to overcome.

I have never expected life to be free of challenges or anything like that. I'm really happy with the progress I've made and so grateful to have come so far. But at the same time I'd like to keep moving forward!

Night Eyes wrote:good question, i wish i knew the answer, i've found theres certain areas that i find so easy to change and let go of my limiting beliefs, and other areas where they're as stubborn as mules!

one exercise i have found very helpful in the past is the timeline exercise... where you look at where yo u are now, and then you visualise stepping forward into the future, where you dont have the limiting beliefs and you've achieved what you wanted to, then you get your future self to step back to the present and give your current self a pep talk.

Nice! But I tried it before and it didn't work for me. When you're down, it can be hard to imagine yourself in the best possible light, even if it is your future self. I like Napoleon Hill's Invisible Counselors technique where you imagine talking to your inspirational heroes and you pick the ones with qualities you admire and want for yourself. You "talk" to them every night and your subconscious picks up on ways to pick up their best attributes.

President Roosevelt wrote:Nice! But I tried it before and it didn't work for me. When you're down, it can be hard to imagine yourself in the best possible light, even if it is your future self. I like Napoleon Hill's Invisible Counselors technique where you imagine talking to your inspirational heroes and you pick the ones with qualities you admire and want for yourself. You "talk" to them every night and your subconscious picks up on ways to pick up their best attributes.

I have listened to a guided meditation that advised using something like that-you imagine a role model or "hero" person guiding you. I had a really hard time with it because I simply could never come up with someone who I felt I admired enough to fit the bill. Sorry if that sounds bad, I guess I simply don't look at people that way. (Which is probably why I had such a hard time understanding the hero worship over at the other place...)

It's not to say that I don't learn from others or anything like that because obviously I do but I dunno, every time I tried to do that meditation I drew a blank. For me I think using myself would work best.

But we are all different and if you found something that helped you that's awesome!

yeah you definitely have to go with what works with you havent you, we all click and relate to different techniques so if something suits go for it!

when i read your post president, it made me think, when you think of your heroes and the people you admire and want to emulate, the chances are they've probably been through some rough shit themselves and got through it, so even better to be a role model!

this is another good technique called the Dickens process by Tony Robbins http://www.endlesshumanpotential.com/Super_Human_Development-dickens-process.html

You know, this relates to some of the other discussions taking place here. It seems that not only do different approaches work for different people, but we may also have to take different approaches to the different areas in our life.

Like you Night Eyes, I've had some areas that vastly improved quite easily. Then there are others that have improved, but not to the level I'm satisfied with. So obviously taking a different approach in these areas would probably be helpful.

I really like the "Dickens Approach" but like in my example of the doctor and his patients, a doctor can tell someone that all kinds of health complications await them if they don't change their destructive patterns and quite honestly that isn't enough to get them to change.

The one thing I can think of when I read stories of people who lost a lot of weight or let go of an addiction is that they were motivated by wanting to be around see their kids grow up or to be part of their grandchildren's lives or for instance the motivation for a woman to leave an abusive relationship was not for her own sake but because she didn't want her kids in that environment and that kind of thing. I think the key might be to find a motivation that is stronger than the pull to repeat the unhealthy pattern. I'm not saying that we should make changes for the sake of another, but that might play a part in getting motivated to actually do it.

i think for me its more a case of laziness and lack of consistency, i can 'get out' of bad patterns quite easily these days but it took a lot of work and a lot of self awareness and confidence building.. for me its progressing further than that and enhancing the lovely little life i have now, i start off well, and then become less enthusiastic about techniques or visualisation or whatever i'm focusing on..

The issue of repeating patterns doesn't just apply to us as individuals, but they end up getting repeated by one generation after the next.

How many children of addicts end up becoming addicts themselves (Bobbi Kristina Brown is currently in the news )  How many children of dysfunctional families end up repeating that same dysfunction themselves?  Again, instead of warning us against the harm of these patterns being exposed to them like that just makes us more likely to repeat them!

Night Eyes, I do agree that AWARENESS is a big part of the solution as well.  I think really being mindful and in tune with ourselves can help us from sliding mindlessly into repeating them.  And like in so many cases SELF LOVE plays a role, because I think it's the lack of self love that makes us turn to destructive habits to fill that void.

Lotus , there was a book that you posted on the other forum about self love, I believe it was in response to a thread created by Julia, was it?  Do you still have that book and could you post it here?  I do think that since self love plays such a huge role in so many things that it would be a big help to be able to read it again!

Thanks for the responses guys, it's really getting me to make connections and think about the missing ingredients!

kazoo wrote:
Lotus , there was a book that you posted on the other forum about self love, I believe it was in response to a thread created by Julia, was it?  Do you still have that book and could you post it here?  I do think that since self love plays such a huge role in so many things that it would be a big help to be able to read it again!

Thanks for this beautiful thread. Yes, lady kazoo, that's right. It was Larry Crane's book (himself a Lester Levenson's student). Unfortunately attachments are not active yet, but I just found it on the web (here)

Here it is:

http://www.release2gofree.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Larry-Crane-Love-Yourself.pdf

yes i think self love is so important, i think over the years we've been conditioned that its the honourable thing to be humble and self sacrificing and that to love yourself is wrong or arrogant... but its really not!

we have to be kind to ourselves and have a bit of self care, the greatest love is inside of ourselves!

love your strengths and your weaknessess, love yourself entirely and forgive yourself! thats what i think

if you cant love yourself then who will!

Absolutely, a lot of people think that self love is the same as arrogance, but of course it's not! It's clear that arrogance is actually rooted in insecurity, while if you have a healthy love for yourself the last thing you are is insecure and arrogant.

And thanks for the link Mr. President!

Kazoo I 100% agree - self love is healthy, arrogance comes from a place of lack.

kazoo wrote:

I know I've personally been able to make so much progress in so many areas since discovering and applying LoA, and overall life is just sooo much better in general but there are also some areas that remain persistently stubborn to moving beyond a certain point!  I freely admit I am no expert, I'm a work in progress just like everyone else and I'm always looking to learn more!

I am thinking right now of a specific LoA blogger, who shares freely on her blog about her experiences and she's done some things in the interest of clearing limiting beliefs and raising her vibration etc. that most of us won't ever do and she's also very open about a certain area in her life where she struggles.  Sometimes it makes you wonder if even people like her have difficulty overcoming some of their repeating patterns that it's no wonder that the rest of us are going to have a hard time with it!

So I guess my question is why is change so hard!?  And why do the lessons we need to learn in order to flow from where we are to where we want to be sometimes remain so elusive despite our best efforts?

If anyone tries to come off like they don't have their own struggles, then I likely wouldn't really respect them as much as if they are openly real. Having a lot of knowledge doesn't make you superhuman. It restores your being conscious of your power by reminding you that you can choose and you can navigate. Life is beautifully multi-dimensional and our focus and experience changes moment to moment. We can feel like masters in one, amateurs in another and often somewhere in between. We can share our own struggles- without whining and complaining. Sharing that kind of personal information is empowering to both sides. Teaching by example is what I try to do myself. It reminds me that applying knowledge not only improves my own experience, but enCOURAGEs others as well.

I wouldn't want to pretend I am always on my A game. Yeah, most things have developed nicely- to the point that some who don't feel good about their own things right now show jealousy towards me- but there are things I work on daily, and I can feel stuck at moments. Regarding why it can be hard to shift state of being: the truth is, it's as easy as we let it be. And oh, I've had my moments of anger towards things, insisting that it is NOT easy, that it is HARD and WHY can't I just break through?? Time and again it's because the solution is not a breakthrough. The more natural and easy we see it as, the more easily it will flow to what we prefer. Sometimes we expect this huge moment of "breakthrough" when the universe is "waiting" for us to be at ease and feel natural about it so that we can be a true match.

My boyfriend knows my moments better than anyone does... he's seen me crying because I didn't know how I was going to make rent month after month for a tiny studio apartment with my daughter, afraid to buy new underwear when old ones had holes in them, and then he's seen me walk into the Maserati dealership ready to shop for a luxury car again.

Regarding patterns, acknowledging the pattern and focusing on getting out of a pattern only keeps you in the pattern longer. I'm not saying be in denial... I'm saying stop giving the pattern power to exist by being consistently aware of it. Deviating from that pattern is less than a minute away, and momentum quickly takes to another direction.

I'm not sure where I was going with this, but that's it for now...

It's interesting, re: the blogger I've mentioned, and I am definitely grateful that someone who is so good at explaining those "why does it work that way" questions has been so honest with her followers about her struggles. She definitely doesn't have to and I don't think people would think less of her if she kept her blog more focused on LoA and not include details of herself personally.

And one thing that I did notice is that she does seem to spend a lot of time doing things like cleanses etc. that make me wonder if she's kind of chasing some magic thing that gonna make that big breakthrough that you're talking about happen. Not that those things are necessarily bad but I'm not sure it works that way. For me, it's been more about slow and steady progress, always moving in the right direction (sometimes taking the scenic route!) and picking up bits of knowledge and awareness that add up along the way.

I think being aware of the pattern is the beginning of change. If we can accept that we have a pattern that doesn't serve us and get to the heart of our desire, we can begin to create a new pattern.

I was once a workaholic. All of my pride and self-esteem was based on how much work I could get done in a day, how great my projects are, how much success my team has, etc. But I started feeling lots of tension in my body and I felt a lot more stress than usual. This was surprising to me. I had cool friends, people praised me, I exercised everyday, I ate healthy, I had opportunities that others didn't. But I still felt a nagging sense of tension. I dealt with it by working longer and harder, which ironically made me more frustrated.

I knew something was off. So I analyzed my life. It didn't require a great deal of thinking, the answer was intuitive. I had forgotten how to have fun. I actually felt unworthy of relaxing. I would put in a video game and turn it off after 3 minutes because I felt guilty about having fun. So I was aware of this stressful pattern and that guilt and fear were reinforcing it. It was my insecure need for perfection that was driving it all.

Now that I was aware of the pattern, I had a clearer vision of what I wanted my new pattern to look like. The hardest part was overcoming those thoughts like "I don't deserve to have fun...I should be working." I accepted that I wasn't where I wanted to be, but I knew I could change my life and get there so I let that confidence take me forward. I shaved off about an hour every day to do something fun for my myself. Eventually, the more I stuck with it and asserted my "deservability factor", the more the guilty feelings went away as did a lot of my stress. I felt more balanced. But the trick for me was to focus on what you want and the emotions of having it, not on what you don't want or how hard it is to get what you want.

And being real with people is a gift. I think the mask of perfection does more harm than good. Life on earth is filled with sadness. It's always been this way. The goal is not to kill off the sadness but I think it's more about embracing our own vulnerability and authenticity to find real joy and strength, even in the midst of sadness. The best thing about being real is that it gives people the freedom to be truly themselves. A lot of people I know feel like they have to be someone else, a shell of who they really are, to have any place in the world. The social media world we live in seems contradictory in this sense. We're together, but do we really know each other? We "like" each other, but do we really like or even know what's inside? We're connected digitally, but are we really connected at a deeper level or just pretending to be? Sometimes I think the race to perfection is to the 21st century (well, it's always been here) what the nuclear arms race was to the 20th century. In the end, the next generation suffers from the hangover and we forget that we're just here to have a human experience on our little green and blue planet. That's why being real with people is so freeing; it reminds you that it's OK to be human and sometimes the greatest risks can be taken and won by just accepting that we are here to have a human experience.

anyone have any updates or more thoughts on this?

Hi Night. Unfortunately I'm quite busy at the moment so I apologize I haven't read yet what everyone put here. I'm not even sure what kind of update you might be expecting. However, apart from this whole discussion I can share with the following two "pointers" in brief with reference to Kazoo's original question:

So I guess my question is why is change so hard!? And why do the lessons we need to learn in order to flow from where we are to where we want to be sometimes remain so elusive despite our best efforts?

First, this is one of the models or maps of the "human" I currently use:


The question mark (?) here refers to the Self, or Soul, or Consciousness, or God within if you so prefer. As you can see, the "Latent" level of the Unconscious Mind is beyond even the level of dreams. This is the "deep sleep" (dreamless) domain, the deepest level of the mind ever, and literally the "mold" or "template" that "projects" both the body and the world. The "impressions" or "grooves" that exist at this level are the Mind DNA so to speak, and as such they define what we call our "destiny" itself. If you believe in "reincarnation," this is where your "Samskaras" hide—the "mental impressions" that survive even death itself and thus re-appear over and over on the physical plane. But you don't have to believe in reincarnation. Suffice it to say that from this "Latent" level comes your most basic "vibration" as a human unit. And it's right here that reside all that you seem to have never chosen freely for yourself, from the type of your character to the color of your eyes.

This topic is very large and deep, obviously, but this is just a brief pointer as I said. Now back to Kazoo's question. Why is it so hard to change? That's why. Your "Thought Patterns" simply exist at this deepest of levels. Even our daily thoughts that just "pop up" in our conscious mind come from this level. So we in a sense are only "fulfilling" our destiny here. We do change though, with "persistence." We can exhaust our "karma" through relentless persistence, with self-observation or self-awareness of course, and that's why when we finally change it feels like a "shift" in our life. It's so grand and heroic a feat as changing the DNA structure of your whole body is, only on the mental level.

The lucky few, however, have an entirely different and short route to take. They simply jump directly to the question mark (?), find out who they really are and identify with it—or just stick to it one way or another, even in the form of God. They no longer identify with this illusory "human" unit or body-mind construct (or at least, care as much about it as about the Lord and the Lord's word, will, kingdom, etc.)


The second pointer, actually building up on the first, can be found in the meaning and practice of so called "Pratyahara," especially as explained in the following video from Swami Satyadharma. This is hardcore Yoga but at least given what I just explained I trust you'll easily follow what this incredible swami says.. (a Yoga grand master and author; been in India for 35 years now). Hopefully this can be of any help (and again sorry if that was already communicated or even implied by any of our friends here).