Spiritual Humor

edit: don't look if you're Catholic as it may cause offence.






Alright you were warned.

Su Dongpo was an avid student of Buddhist teachings, and often discussed them with his good friend, the Zen master Foyin. The two lived across the river from one another - Su Dongpo's residence on the north side and Foyin's Gold Mountain Temple on the south side.

One day, Su Dongpo felt inspired and wrote the following poem:

I bow my head to the heaven within heaven
Hairline rays illuminating the universe
The eight winds cannot move me
Sitting still upon the purple golden lotus

Impressed by himself, Su Dongpo dispatched a servant to hand-carry this poem to Foyin. He felt certain that his friend would be just as impressed.

When Foyin read the poem, he immediately saw that it was both a tribute to the Buddha and a declaration of spiritual refinement. The "eight winds" in the poem referred to praise, ridicule, honor, disgrace, gain, loss, pleasure and misery - interpersonal forces of the material world that drove and influenced the hearts of men. Su Dongpo was saying that he had attained a higher level of spirituality, where these forces no longer affected him.

Smiling, the Zen master wrote "fart" on the manuscript and had it returned to Su Dongpo.

Su Dongpo had been expecting compliments and a seal of approval, so he was shocked when he saw what the Zen master had written. He hit the roof: "How dare he insult me like this? Why that lousy old monk! He's got a lot of explaining to do!"

Full of indignation, Su Dongpo ordered a boat to ferry him to the other shore as quickly as possible. Once there, he jumped off and charged into the temple. He wanted to find Foyin and demand an apology.

He found Foyin's door closed. On the door was a piece of paper, with the following two lines:

The eight winds cannot move me
One fart blows me across the river

This stopped Su Dongpo cold. Foyin had anticipated this hotheaded visit. Su Dongpo's anger suddenly drained away as he understood his friend's meaning. If he really was a man of spiritual refinement, completely unaffected by the eight winds, then how could he be so easily provoked?

With a few strokes of the pen and minimal effort, Foyin showed that Su Dongpo was in fact not as spiritually advanced as he claimed to be.

[as told by Derek Lin]

A Zen student goes to a temple and asks how long it will take him to gain enlightenment if he joins the temple.

"Ten years," says the Zen master.

"Well, how about if I really work and double my effort?"

"Twenty years."

Jimmy finds himself in heaven, st Peter meets him at the pearly gates and gives him a tour of heaven.
As he walks around he notices many different groups of people all in different areas.
"who are those people over there?" He asks.
St Peter says "oh they are the Buddhists."
" and that group over there?" He inquires
St Peter says " ahh they are the Muslims"
"And those?"
" they are the Mormons" St Peter replies.
They walked along a little further and Jimmy noticed a huge stone wall.
"what's behind the wall st Peter?"
"Shh! Behind the wall are the Catholics" he whispered " they think they are the only ones here"