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Anyone else?

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Anyone else?

Post by Bookworm on Thu Oct 22, 2015 2:20 am

Does anyone else find that when you tell someone to be positive etc they just don't get it and think your crazy?
It makes me want to pull my hair out.

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Re: Anyone else?

Post by Night Eyes on Thu Oct 22, 2015 3:20 am

I've learnt to just let some people get on with it these days, they'll be happy and positive when they're ready to be, sometimes if someone is in a negative or low place, they arent ready to hear about thinking and being positive, and they become defensive.

being negative can become a safety net, its safe and predictable, to turn yourself around and take a chance on being positive and step out of a comfort zone, well i guess some people just aren't ready, so let them be, and focus on you, as long as you're happy and doing your thing Smiley

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Re: Anyone else?

Post by President Roosevelt on Thu Oct 22, 2015 11:59 am

Telling someone to "be positive" is like telling them "Do your homework" or "do your chores" or "be a man" or "act like a lady" or "be tougher". It sounds like you're their parent and they're the child who gets misunderstood. Plus, to someone who is so used to being negative, telling them to be positive is like telling them to climb Mt. Everest.

I know the intention is to help them but when someone's down I don't think they really want the simple feel-good advice which they probably already know about.

Personally, I think people are looking for connection when they're down. When sadness comes, it's so easy to think that you're alone and telling someone to be positive doesn't help that. So instead, say something like "I know it feels bad now, but I've been in your situation before. Hang in there, it gets better. I know you're not feeling very confident right now but I've always seen you do great and you will again." Basically, they want someone to understand what they feel and to assure them that there is more to be positive about.

Or it can be just as simple as "I believe in you." The focus is changed from a direction/order to something that relates you to them and makes them feel good. Sometimes, I think that's what people really want, to be understood and to feel connected at a more personal level.
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Re: Anyone else?

Post by Night Eyes on Thu Oct 22, 2015 5:18 pm

Great post Pressie Smiley

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Re: Anyone else?

Post by The Simplifier on Thu Oct 22, 2015 6:07 pm

President Roosevelt wrote:
Or it can be just as simple as "I believe in you." The focus is changed from a direction/order to something that relates you to them and makes them feel good. Sometimes, I think that's what people really want, to be understood and to feel connected at a more personal level.

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Re: Anyone else?

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