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• Neville's Teachings
• Manifesting through the Law of Giving / Recieving
• "Build it and it will come"
• 7 day manifestation experiment
• Limiting Beliefs
• "Attachment" and "Letting Go"
• On Suffering and Avoiding (Spira)
• What are you grateful for today?
• Procrastination and Laziness
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Conditions of Worth

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Conditions of Worth

Post by Night Eyes on Sun Sep 13, 2015 12:05 pm

I think this topic is something that ties in with the Limiting Belief topic, from Childhood we all develop Conditions of Worth

I am loved if i'm good/well behaved/pretty/polite etc

I am Intelligent/accepted if i do well at school/have a talent

Read more: http://www.alleydog.com/glossary/cite-my-term.php?term=Conditions%20Of%20Worth#ixzz3ldPUrGXDe

"Conditions of Worth are the conditions we think we must meet in order for other people to accept us as worthy of their love or positive regard. As children, we learn that there are certain things we do that please our parents or caregivers, and we strive to do those things. As we grow up, we also learn what our teachers, friends, and society in general seem to expect from us. Eventually, we internalize the conditions of worth imposed upon us, and live our life according to those conditions. This may result in unhappiness and a lack of self-worth as we strive to satisfy conditions that may be unrealistic.

For example, someone may think that she is inadequate if she does not get straight A's in school, or she is only acceptable if she fits into a certain dress size."

http://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html

if we look at Maslows Hierarchy of needs also, we can see just how much these conditions of self worth and limiting beliefs affect our self- actualisation process.
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Re: Conditions of Worth

Post by Phantasm on Sun Sep 13, 2015 12:28 pm

Nine Eyes wrote:I am loved if i'm good/well behaved/pretty/polite etc

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Re: Conditions of Worth

Post by Night Eyes on Sun Sep 13, 2015 12:30 pm

haha Phantastico!

'Phanty loves me if i have Nine Eyes'

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Re: Conditions of Worth

Post by Guest on Sun Sep 13, 2015 12:31 pm

This is a great topic Nighty!! I've actually been wondering about maybe starting a topic on self-worth for a long time... I'm glad you did!

Though I have nothing to add just yet... I don't know much about these fancy psychological things. Wink I probably have some of these myself, though; "I'm only loved if I'm well-behaved/do X and Y and Z/a good person/etc." Perhaps most importantly I find it hard to accept my own flaws and love myself unconditionally. That's hard; unconditional acceptance of yourself.

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Re: Conditions of Worth

Post by Phantasm on Sun Sep 13, 2015 2:49 pm


That's how I see you yes
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Re: Conditions of Worth

Post by Night Eyes on Sun Sep 13, 2015 2:53 pm

we spend a lot of time growing up to other peoples standards, and it spills over into adulthood, it's a case of re framing the conditions and getting back to our inner self, finding out what we truly want, not what others have conditioned us to believe is right.

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Re: Conditions of Worth

Post by Phantasm on Sun Sep 13, 2015 3:10 pm

And yet... and yet IDGAF what people think of me.

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Re: Conditions of Worth

Post by Night Eyes on Mon Sep 21, 2015 1:49 pm

http://www.simplypsychology.org/carl-rogers.html

"Carl Rogers (1959) believed that humans have one basic motive, that is the tendency to self-actualize - i.e. to fulfill one's potential and achieve the highest level of 'human-beingness' we can. Like a flower that will grow to its full potential if the conditions are right, but which is constrained by its environment, so people will flourish and reach their potential if their environment is good enough.

However, unlike a flower, the potential of the individual human is unique, and we are meant to develop in different ways according to our personality. Rogers believed that people are inherently good and creative. They become destructive only when a poor self-concept or external constraints override the valuing process. Carl Rogers believed that for a person to achieve self-actualization they must be in a state of congruence.

This means that self-actualization occurs when a person’s “ideal self” (i.e. who they would like to be) is congruent with their actual behavior (self-image). Rogers describes an individual who is actualizing as a fully functioning person. The main determinant of whether we will become self-actualized is childhood experience."




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Re: Conditions of Worth

Post by Guest on Fri Oct 02, 2015 10:08 pm

This made me think of this thread:



(A Krishnamurti quote turned into an infographic, which in a way horrifies me because I'm a purist, but...perspective: we could see it as a good infographic rather than a bad rendition of K's teachings Wink )

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Re: Conditions of Worth

Post by Night Eyes on Sat Oct 03, 2015 5:51 am

thats exactly what this thread is about

we spend our lives looking for positive regard and feedback from others, being compared and feeling inadequate if we dont live up to the expectations.

we end up with an external locus of evaluation, which only brings on Low self esteem and a lack of confidence

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Re: Conditions of Worth

Post by President Roosevelt on Tue Oct 06, 2015 12:29 am

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Re: Conditions of Worth

Post by Phantasm on Tue Oct 06, 2015 1:27 am

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Re: Conditions of Worth

Post by Guest on Tue Oct 06, 2015 2:18 am


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Re: Conditions of Worth

Post by President Roosevelt on Tue Oct 06, 2015 2:26 am

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Re: Conditions of Worth

Post by Guest on Tue Oct 06, 2015 2:29 am

I was just going to delete that meme now that you've seen it, so we wouldn't be spamming Nighty's thread... Neutral

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Re: Conditions of Worth

Post by President Roosevelt on Tue Oct 06, 2015 2:37 am

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Re: Conditions of Worth

Post by Night Eyes on Tue Oct 06, 2015 3:04 am

are you trying to get around me pressie with that cwtch.......you're lucky you're cute Razz

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Re: Conditions of Worth

Post by Guest on Tue Oct 06, 2015 3:35 am

We should definitely stop diverting serious threads. Embarassed I'm sorry, Nighty.

*SelinaM cwtches Nighty

I do think our humour is always well-intentioned, but of course we need to limit it on the serious threads.

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Re: Conditions of Worth

Post by lunareclipse on Tue Oct 06, 2015 4:19 am

My son randomly typed on my keyboard once when he was about 1, some gobbledygook like cbfghzfgffwfgfthh gfhgcxwwff and Google's recommendation was "translate from Welsh?" Surprised I suppose he was Welsh in his past life Rolling Eyes

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Re: Conditions of Worth

Post by Night Eyes on Tue Oct 06, 2015 4:22 am

well yes of course, he is the best Lunar! he made perfect sense lol

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Re: Conditions of Worth

Post by Guest on Tue Oct 06, 2015 6:33 am

Your son's the cutest Luney. I love you

As to conditions of worth, I found this lovely article on Psychology Today:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-doesnt-kill-us/201403/recognize-your-conditions-worth

I think it's so important to have a good relationship with yourself, for LOA manifestations, so that we do not have limiting beliefs, and just generally, for any kind of spiritual practice.  

The Dalai Lama and Thich Nhat Hanh both talk about the importance of self-worth:





What are some practical ways of coming to have unconditional love for oneself? Some of you may not remember, but PR asked this question a while back in his Unconditional Love thread. It's a very important topic and so crucial to all LOA, I'd suggest our relationship to ourselves is at bottom what makes us successful or not at manifestations. If we have a bad relationship with ourselves, we tend to have more limiting beliefs, saying oh I'm not worthy of this, I can't have that.

It's also worth noting that people who commit crimes, "evil" people, typically have a very bad relationship with themselves. People who inflict pain on others tend to be suffering deeply themselves.

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Re: Conditions of Worth

Post by Night Eyes on Tue Oct 06, 2015 6:57 am

One reason a person will have developed a bad relationship with themselves is because everyone grows up being told you have to be a certain way, and the more you behave that way the more positive affirmation and feedback you get, when we dont live up to these conditions of worth, we feel a failure, our self esteem gets knocked down,......our self image (how we see ourselves) becomes incongruent with our ideal self (how we would like to be seen).

To have a good relationship with yourself we must look more internal and see what our own values and Ideals are, try to develop an Internal Locus of Evaluation, live for ourselves and praise ourselves, be proud of our achievements and not focus on what others expect from us, when our self image becomes congruent with our Ideal self, we can self actualize

well thats a basic explanation off my head......

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Re: Conditions of Worth

Post by Guest on Tue Oct 06, 2015 7:54 am

Thank you, Nighty. I do hope more people can join the discussion, as I think it's so crucial: we've discussed Limiting Beliefs, which is I think one of the most significant things to discuss when we talk about LOA. But the natural companion to that thread is practical: how to get rid of those limiting beliefs. How to become whole in yourself once more... I love you

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Re: Conditions of Worth

Post by Night Eyes on Tue Oct 06, 2015 8:03 am

Yes of course, and different ideas and viewpoints are indeed welcome, i am really coming at it from Carl Rogers person centred approach, so its more a therapeutic viewpoint than a self help x

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